It is a proven fact that men spit more than women. Go to a girls’ or women’s softball game and you will see very little spitting, if any. Watch a major league baseball game on TV, however, and you will see things flying out of men’s mouths at a shocking rate.
Why this is I do not know, but it is. Not long ago I was walking my sons home from school and without thinking, I spit on the street. Hank and Gabe saw me do this and instantly tried to copy me. But anyone who believes that the ability to spit is somehow innate to the human condition would be sorely disappointed because both boys made weak attempts that barely cleared their chins.
Thereupon giving birth to a parenting dilemma: Do I leave my children in this ignorant state where they could be subject to ridicule on the playground by other boys who really know how to expectorate, or do I teach them the basics? Being the involved father I am, I chose the latter option, and the three of us stood on the sidewalk curb seeing how far we could launch saliva projectiles into the street.
A variation on a spitting contest is: Spitting Off a Bridge. On Memorial Day weekend Jennifer, the boys and I drove to Winters, a small Central Valley town where an old railroad bridge built in the early 1900s crosses Putah Creek, a lovely, meandering creek thickly bordered by trees. The bridge runs maybe 100 feet above the water and when we were walking across, in another of those unthinking moments of which I am apparently very capable, I leaned over the rail and set free some of the excess moisture in my mouth, watching it drop into the creek. The boys of course gleefully did the same. Meantime Jennifer diplomatically stepped away to let us have this poignant father-son bonding moment all to ourselves.
Hey, it could have been worse. We could have been standing on a balcony above a sidewalk with people walking by. But I’d never show my sons something like that. There is a proper time and place for expectoration and that is not it. And if they ever do something like that, they’re totally on their own.
[...] and often disgusting, activities they did as children. So far we have told about snipe hunting, spitting off a bridge, competitive belching, arm farts, and more, with many more rude and inappropriate activities to [...]